While it is true that the woman losing her maiden name traditionally meant that she was being given away from one family to another, her independence doesn't rely on what her surname is. Both my mom and sister are married, and while my mom kept her maiden name (I've never actually asked her why – it's probably just because of the paperwork), my sister took her husband's surname. I know both of these women (it feels peculiar to refer to my sister as a woman...) very well and they both have a great relationship with their family while also maintaining their independence. With my sister's marriage, it didn't feel like she was being sent off to another family, it felt more like I gained an older brother. Of course, the importance of a woman's maiden name varies from person to person within our culture (in other cultures, the power of names is quite different, and I don't know enough about that to comment). Nowadays, it seems to me like the biggest problem with women changing their names is the paperwork. All that isn't to say that names are entirely meaningless, of course. A woman's surname used to basically tell who her owner was, and it still can have some of that meaning intertwined.
Personally, I wouldn't care too much about whether or not my hypothetical future wife changes her name. I definitely wouldn't change mine because my last name is perfectly normal and it's a huge hassle to do all the paperwork. I might even encourage my hypothetical wife to keep her maiden name to avoid the paperwork problems...
Well, it was very interesting to hear you apply this idea of names to your own family. However, I must disagree that they would have neglected changing names due to paperwork hassle, as changing or keeping a name is much more important then going through some documents. I must also disagree that a name says who someone's "owner" is, as someone's owner is only him or herself; names should not determine this. Because of the differences of our opinions, this was a very interesting post to read. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your feedback, Jake! I guess I didn't quite make it that clear in my post that I was referring to the past (like Shakespearian times), when women were basically considered property (even strong-willed women like Katherine in ToTS). I completely agree with what you said about how someone's name shouldn't determine who "owns" them, but even though society doesn't say that women belong to their husbands or fathers anymore, it can sometimes unfortunately still have that connotation because of society's patriarchal past.
DeleteI think your point about my mom having other reasons for not changing her name is quite interesting. I hadn't really thought about it much, but I think you're probably right. If I remember, I'll ask my mom about it later today.
Ian, I definitely agree with your thoughts on women's last names. Honestly, I have never thought about it until now and I really didn't think it had any significance. While it has different meaning for every woman (even your sister, lol), I believe that changing last names is simply up to the woman and what she prefers. Sometimes, it is more practical to keep her maiden name. Other times, women want to feel united with their husbands (although I think a woman can feel just as united with a different last name). Great post, I like how you connected this post to your family, it made it very real and I could hear your voice come out. Good job!!
ReplyDeleteEmma